Non validating childhood
For example, let's say I am traveling with someone and I say I am afraid someone could come into our room and steal my laptop computer if they keep leaving the door unlocked. They started talking about some of their friends, smiling and laughing. I wondered how the three adults could stand there and laugh while that boy stood there alone, troubled now not only about school but also because no one was interested in his troubles. As long as you are active, you can't feel your emotional pain. " She said, "Because I don't want you to think so much." Then I was quiet for a moment.If they tell me "don't worry", then I am more worried, because they are not taking my fear seriously and they may just keep leaving the door unlocked. Meanwhile all three of them completely ignored the boy. This made her very uncomfortable and she said, "Don't look so serious." I said, "Why not?Or it may eventually isolate them from their feelings, with a resulting loss of major part of their natural intelligence. Most of them are so insidious that we don't even know what is happening. I swear I want to just shout out WHAT THE F**K?? "One day in Australia I decided to try hang gliding.We know that something doesn't feel good, but we sometimes can't put our finger on it. I was going to end it there, but Id like to know, when did cutting become so popular? I went up with an instructor, floated and flew above the waves and coastline for about 20 minutes, then landed on the sand. I started thinking maybe there was something wrong and wondered if she had second thoughts about the plans we had made to go travelling together.
For example, you might respond, "I feel invalidated," "I feel mocked," or "I feel judged." One factor common to most people who self-injure, whether they were abused or not, is invalidation. Now I am wondering,..someone says, "Don't think so much," how does one do that?
They were taught at an early age that their interpretations of and feelings about the things around them were bad and wrong. To me that is like telling a fish not to swim so much or an artist not to draw so much. I know there are many ways other people try not to think so much.
They learned that certain feelings weren't allowed. They distract themselves with TV, movies, music, shopping, sports, religion, drugs, alcohol etc. Those things don't help me find answers to my questions.
He found that when one's feelings are denied a person can be made to feel crazy even they are perfectly mentally healthy. Further, emotion inhibition significantly predicted psychological distress, including depression and anxiety symptoms.) Invalidation goes beyond mere rejection by implying not only that our feelings are disapproved of, but that we are fundamentally abnormal. Sometimes it feels as though as a parent life is so overwhelming and there is too much for one person to do.
This implies that there is something wrong with us because we aren't like everyone else; we are strange; we are different; we are weird. The more different from the mass norm a person is, for example, more intelligent or more sensitive, the more he is likely to be invalidated. During those times I have to focus on one thing at a time, ask for help if I can, try to do it well, and accept some things just wont happen as ideally as Id like.